Response to:
"Sex is the adult way to express love."
What if we changed the subject? What if your school told you, "You can be a student here until we feel otherwise, then you'll have to leave?" If you were wise you would go to a school that would make a commitment to you and follow it. The commitment you want is something like, "We agree to give you a diploma if you pay your bills and pass the courses needed for that degree." What if you put money in a bank that says we reserve the right to pay you whatever interest we feel like paying, and we might even just spend your money on our Christmas party. No, you want a bank that guarantees a certain percentage of interest and guards your money.
Mature adults want commitments they can count on. Immature adults don't see the need for commitments, get burned and then become mature adults who expect commitments. The same thing happens in our love relationships. People who don't make a commitment get burned enough times that they realize they need the unconditional commitment that only marriage offers. But then it is often too late. Mistrust grows with every encounter. In the next relationship each person wonders, "Does this person really love me and accept me for who I am, or are they just using me?"
By requiring a marriage commitment first, a person avoids a lot of pain and suffering (physical and emotional). They got burned because they thought they were in love but found out it was merely lust and infatuation. What's the difference? Infatuation puts another person on a pedestal of perfection. We don't see or admit the imperfections of that person. We worship that person and fantasize about the perfect situation (a romantic date, a sexual encounter, etc). But then reality comes crashing in as we begin to see and admit those imperfections. Immature people just move from infatuation with one person to the next never really developing an acceptance of another person for who they are. True love isn't so much a feeling as it is an unconditional commitment to the well-being of someone you care deeply about. Then, as a result, you feel warm inside, safe, secure, trusting, happy, etc.
Conclusion
The next time your boyfriend or girlfriend says, "If you really love me, you'll have sex with me," tell them, "You don't know the first thing about love. Mature adults express their love by making an unconditional lifelong commitment to the well-being of each other and that's called marriage."
References
Budziszewski, J. How to Stay Christian in College. Colorrado Springs: NavPress. 1999. p. 82.
Copyright 2005. Gary C. Burger and New Media Ministries. This article may be reproduced and distributed freely as long as it is done so in its entirety. If quoted it must be properly cited as a reference.
