Response to:
"You have to experience sex to make wise choices about it."
What choices do you need to make about sex and why would you need to make them before marriage? Here are some possibilities:
The kind of person you want to be your sex partner
The best goal for dating is to get to learn about different personality types and character qualities. This is why it is healthy to spend time with a variety of people of the opposite sex clearly communicating that you aren't going to have sex before you find the right person and marry them. When you figure out what kind of person you would like to spend your life with you don't have to worry about whether you will enjoy sex together. I'll give you this guarantee in writing, here and now:
After you get married the "plumbing" will work fine. If you truly love each other you will respect each other as you experiment and learn together what you like and don't like. What's more, as your relationship gets deeper over time, you will grow in your desire and ability to please the other person as much as possible. You will discover then that you already are married to the kind of person you want to be your sex partner.
Most people only think about their future spouse as someone who will magically appear sometime in the future. Well, unless they are spontaneously created as an adult by some miraculous act of God they already exist somewhere. They are dating other people who won't become their spouse just like you are dating others that you won't marry either. When you are finally married to that person don't you want to be able to look them in the eye and say, "I have been saving myself sexually for you? I was faithful to you before I even met you." And do you hope they are being sexually faithful to you right now? It is very exciting to tell each other on your wedding night, "You are the one I've been faithful to all my life and will continue to be faithful to for the rest of my life."
Since I don't know you personally I am aware of the possibility that you have already been unfaithful to your future spouse. I want you to know that God's grace, mercy and forgiveness is bigger than your sin. Go ahead and ask Him to forgive you, turn away from your past and turn toward your future. Be faithful from now on. God not only forgives. He can also heal much of the damage that's been done. I encourage you to talk about this with a mature Christian leader of the same sex you can trust.
The kind of birth control, if any, you want to use
The short answer is "The kind that works!" But seriously, why do you need to experiment with types of birth control now to find out which one is best for you when you get married? Can't you wait and then experiment? What if one of the methods you try now doesn't work and you get pregnant? And let's suppose you had sex with a guy that like many guys will insist on you having an abortion and/or will take no responsibility for you or his baby. Furthermore, let's suppose you were never sure you wanted to marry him in the first place even if he is willing to take responsibility. While the probability of getting pregnant while using birth control correctly is low, the result of a failure makes it a huge risk. Waiting until marriage to have sex is the only fool proof birth control. In private consultation with your doctor and with other married women you can make a very wise choice about which method to use on your wedding night. You will be glad you waited.
The gender of your sex partner
The quick answer is "the opposite." The longer answer has to do with the lifestyle an "alternative lifestyle" is meant to be alternative to, which is, of course, the one designed by God and taught in the Bible. The Biblical view of marriage is very misunderstood and misconstrued. Many people think that the only reason God created us male and female was to be able to reproduce like other animals.
Procreation is certainly one very practical reason but far from the only reason. If you haven't noticed by now males and females are different in more ways than just physical. We are wired differently psychologically. These differences aren't to be compared to see which is superior to the other as radical feminists do. Neither was ever meant to be the superior type of gender. Rather, the differences are meant to complement and complete each other--to enable, e.g. my wife and I, to live as one in harmony and unity. We are still equal and distinct persons but unified in our life together. This kind of relationship is only possible because of the psychological differences we have as different genders. Neither of us is better than the other because of gender. We are equal in worth as unique and individual persons and we are equal in the amount of responsibility we have for the success of our relationship.
When we experience this kind of complementary relationship we experience another one of God's purposes for marriage. This kind of relationship helps us to know experientially what God is like. God is a "triune" God. There are three distinct persons in the Godhead each with His own unique thoughts, will and way of working and relating to us yet they relate to each other in perfect harmony. The result is so perfectly unified that He is one God in three persons. A triangle must have three angles connected together by sides. They are uniquely different angles but equally necessary. Because unity of the whole is absolutely necessary in the definition of a triangle, if you remove one angle you would destroy the triangle.
A marriage relationship can grow to experience this kind of perfect relationship, yet never achieving it completely because we are imperfect humans. From experience, though, I can tell you that when we do experience it, it is definitely heavenly! But this can't happen in a homosexual relationship or a heterosexual relationship outside of marriage because it requires a permanent binding commitment between two members of the opposite sex. That kind of deep bonding is based on trust.
If you can think of any other "wise choices" to make about sex before you get married please let me know. Email me at GaryBurger@NewMediaMinistries.org.
References
Budziszewski, J. How to Stay Christian in College.
More resources
Read my Article: God's Purposes for Marriage and Sex
Copyright 2005. Gary C. Burger and New Media Ministries. This article may be reproduced and distributed freely as long as it is done so in its entirety. If quoted it must be properly cited as a reference.
